I got a wild whim to go poring through old negatives a couple days ago, and came across some shots from college. Took me back to the days when photography was fucking magic, before I was all jaded… where every time you picked up a camera it was just awesome to press the button, and just about anything I looked at seemed amazing through the lens. I sometimes wish I could recapture a bit of that. Sure, 95% of what I shot was terrible, but I was excited just to have a roll of film to shoot. Now I have the best camera gear in the world, and have a hard time dragging my ass out to shoot something unless I’m pretty sure it will be amazing, and even then I put so much pressure on myself to make awesome images that it takes some of the fun away. Of course, having a baby and other responsibilities does play into that, but it’s far from excusable on those grounds…
Anyway, here’s a frame that I never paid much attention to, probably because at the time it was just a picture of me and Chenin, and isn’t really anything special. But now, it’s a document of just how young and excited I was about photography, that even a silly self-portrait in the mirror seemed worthy of a frame of film on the school’s loaner C330. Just simply loading up the camera and shooting anything was an adventure worthy of the effort.
And then there’s the image that made me want to go looking through the negs – a frame from the shores of the Salton Sea, on my first trip there back in, probably ‘99 or so. I remember this image vividly, but hadn’t seen it in years, and wanted a print for the walls. I still remember sitting on the shore made of fishbones, trying to read the hands of my Mickey Mouse watch by the ridiculously dim moonlight to know when the 10 minutes was up for the exposure, and hoping I got it right because I only had like two frames left.
I’m looking forward to heading back here in a couple weeks to finally shoot this place for real, no messing around, and put the nail in the coffin of a photographic journey I’ve been on for years. The Salton Sea still does and always will fascinate me, but it’s time to move the fuck on, so I’ll be seeking closure soon. Ten years is enough. Hopefully I can then turn my brain more fully toward new projects, and recapture a bit of that sense of wonder I had at the magic of pictures, when I shot that frame in the mirror a decade ago.
On that note, I’ll end with an inspiring quote, which comes at a good time for me. I found it on the back of a Starbuck’s cup yesterday while shopping for baby tummy medicine at Target. I’m going to tape it onto my monitor, because it speaks directly to one of the things that keeps me sitting at home instead of out shooting.
The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.
– Anne Morriss, Boston MA
scott neumyer
Wow… Dude, these are great! And look at those overalls!! How’s the little one sleeping for you guys?
Mar 03, 2009 @ 10:14 am
matt sloan
great post! rad photo!
Mar 03, 2009 @ 10:17 am
Gabe
Doug…awesome post. I was just talking with my wife the other day basically about the same thing. How I used to carry a camera with me where ever I went and I would take images of what ever..door knobs, concrete..what ever. But man did I get excited…and I think we all need to go back to that excitement and remember why we feel in love with this art.
Anyway great images Doug, I hope the new family is well and keep rocking it!!
Mar 03, 2009 @ 10:18 am
Angela Hubbard
AWESOME POST! The magical days of film and why I got started as well!!
Mar 03, 2009 @ 1:01 pm
Oleksandr Photography
Looks like Shannon was not much into photography that time. Nice picture!
Mar 03, 2009 @ 1:19 pm
kristen
That is a mighty sweater. Also, your blog makes me want to see the Salton Sea. Someday, someday…
Mar 03, 2009 @ 3:52 pm
Brett Jarnagin
I’m right there with you about having trouble picking up a camera unless the results are going to be amazing. I think the only way to keep that sense of wonder is to continue to learn and try new things. With photography I think we reach plateaus where we feel like we have reached our full potential and then we learn something new (usually by accident) that just elevates us to that next level.
Mar 05, 2009 @ 4:13 pm
robert norman
you know, I STILL have crappy photos from college that i look at and think, “…ya know, thats still pretty damn good for something taken with with a bare light bulb in a $10.00 reflector.” Hard sometimes to stay passionate and enthralled with what you end up doing for a living..when your passion becomes your ‘job’.
.Still – i’m not sure there’s anything else i’d rather be doing!
Mar 05, 2009 @ 11:18 pm
Jasmine*
The picture of you and Chenin made me smile. Two kids in love. A knit sweater. And beer. True love in its finest form.
:)
Mar 06, 2009 @ 10:32 am
Becka Knight (Studio222 Photography)
I love the quotes on Starbucks cups too.
Mar 07, 2009 @ 6:58 am
Kevin
thank you!
Mar 08, 2009 @ 3:45 pm
Doug Boutwell » Archive » Seeking Closure
[...] By the time we made it to the flooded waterfront at Bombay Beach, it was night, and after shooting a few long exposures on my Mamiya Super 23, we packed it up and headed [...]
Mar 13, 2009 @ 11:42 am